Advise to sisters with pious husbands

drinkMany of us envision our prospective husbands to be of the best moral character; praying 5 times a day in the masjid, doing charitable works in the community, giving dawah, teaching the youth and so on. Some of us already have husbands who are this way inclined, maashAllah. But how many of us often ask Allah not to make such deeds from our loved ones a fitnah for us? You may ask yourself ‘how can my spouse doing such commendable deeds be a fitnah for me?’ Well, the reality is, they can!

Working for the sake of Allah requires sincerity, time and commitment, and in some cases, your spouse’s duties and commitments in the community may get in the way of time spent with you and his presence at home. This could lead to a breakdown in communication between you and if shaytaan has his wicked way, could have you feeling resentful towards your spouse’s good works and wishing he wasn’t so ‘pious’ after all!

It is essential for us to remember that we do not ‘own’ our spouses, rather, they are a loan to us from Allah and they too have individual lives to live and a goal to attain Jannah. Therefore, we should encourage each other to perform good deeds and support each other in that. The following are some ways in which you can support your pious husband and prevent his religious commitments from having a negative effect in your life.

Ask Allah not to make him a fitnah for you!

Our spouses can be a fitnah for us. This is why it’s imperative for us to ask Allah to protect us from their evil and make us benefit from their good. Ask Allah often to aid you in loving your spouse’s charitable deeds and to open your heart to supports these good works for His sake. A beautiful dua that can be said by the groom is this:

Allahumma innee as-aluka khayraha wakhayra ma jabaltaha AAalayh, wa-aAAoothu bika min sharriha washarri ma jabaltaha AAalayh.

‘O Allah, I ask You for the goodness within her and the goodness that you have made her inclined towards, and I take refuge with You from the evil within her and the evil that you have made her inclined towards.’ (Hisn al Muslim, Fortress of a Muslim, dua 74.)

Always have a positive view!

Optimism is a Sunnah! There may be instances where your husband is away from home, which maybe frustrating at times because naturally, you want to be with him. However, positivity is key to a healthy relationship and a healthy mind. Always try to see the positive things your husband does and to have an optimistic view in life in general. If you bear the difficulties in life with patience and remain conscious of Allah, He has promised a way out for you:

“For indeed, with hardship comes ease.” (94:5)

Think positively, by knowing that Allah is pleased with your allowing him to do good, that your support will increase his love for you and that perhaps someone else needs him more than you do sometimes. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said,

“Strange is the affair of the Mumin (the believer), verily all his affairs are good for him. If something pleasing befalls him he thanks (Allah) and it becomes better for him. And if something harmful befalls him he is patient (Sabir) and it becomes better for him. And this is only for the Mumin.” [Muslim]

Sacrifice for the sake of Allah

What we acquire in this dunya won’t last forever and verily, it is a test for all of us. As we don’t own our spouses, there will be times when we will have to ‘sacrifice’ them for other people or things. You may need to sacrifice your husband in order for him to help others in the community, in which case the situation is much bigger than you and could bring about lasting benefit and blessing in your marriage. Remember, when we sacrifice for the sake of Allah, He will give us something better! Allah says:

“Say, ‘Indeed, my prayer, my service of sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the worlds.’” (6:162)

Keep yourself busy with good deeds

In order to have a healthy relationship, it’s important to have your own interests and activities (with the acknowledgement) of your husband. Keeping active in good works helps us to stay focused on pleasing our Lord, keeps us away from committing sins and rarely allows for shaytaan to enter our hearts and minds with negative thoughts. If we are busy with things we love, that are beneficial to our families and communities, we won’t have time to worry about the affairs of our husband’s and missing him will become easy.

“So whosoever does good equal to the weight of an atom (or a small ant) shall see it. And whosoever does evil equal to the weight of an atom (or a small ant) shall see it.”( 7:8)

Make it easy for your husband to do good

Instead of expressing discontentment at your husband having to be away from you, offer words of support such as ‘may Allah reward you immensely for the good you do’ or ‘ your’e in my duas and I look forward to your return’. Pack a lunch for him made with love and make a point to greet and bid him peace with an embrace and a smile. These small acts of kindnesses will assure him you ‘have his back’ and will reaffirm your’e not just his wife, but a supportive and reliable friend too!
Allah says:

“So race to [all that is] good. Wherever you may be, Allah will bring you forth [for judgement] all together. Indeed, Allah is over all things competent.” ( 2:148)

Shaytaan never stops his efforts in sowing discord between spouses, the sooner Muslim couples realise this, the better. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him said,

“Iblis (shaytan) places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: I did so and so. And he says: You have done nothing. Then one amongst them comes and says: I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife. The Satan goes near him and says: ‘You have done well and then embraces him.” [Muslim]

Here are some ways you can protect your marriage from shaytaan:

  • Read the mu’awwadhatayn (Surat Al-Falaq and Surat An-Nas) and morning and evening adhkar daily.
  • If your spouse is behaving in a way or saying things they normally don’t, politely say: “honey, let’s not let the shaytan get to us.” This is a tried and tested way to defuse a senseless argument before it starts.
  • If you find yourself starting to get angry, seek refuge in Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) from the shaytan immediately.
  • If you hear anything negative about your spouse from anyone, examine the words for signs of shaytan’s whispers and traps. If there’s anything that may cause you to have even the slightest ill-feeling or resentment towards your spouse, consciously recall all the good in your spouse and compare it to what’s being said about them: you’ll see the false/irrelevant claims quickly dissipating. (Excerpt taken from http://productivemuslim.com/happy-muslim-couples/)

 

**Please share this article to benefit the believers-BarakAllahu feekum.

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